Confessions of a Narcissist

No one loves Joel Piedt more than Joel Piedt.

I'm convinced of this statement's truth. I was thinking of Narcissus's story a few days ago, the Greek myth about the beautiful man who fell in love with his own reflection, and ended up dying next to a pond staring at himself. It's a depressing/disturbing story for a number of reasons on a number of levels, but I'd rather not state the obvious.

What saddens me is that the story of Narcissus just so happens to be the story of Joel Piedt, minus the part about the guy being beautiful. I was on a road trip this summer, hiking in places like Zion National Park and the Grand Canyon. There was one time that I was hiking up a beautiful cliff called Angel's Landing, and I found myself lost in wonder.

In myself.

This is no lie. I was so wrapped up in a position I had just received, all I could think of was, "I wonder what people will think of me!" I thought about this for hours as I hiked, oblivious to the glory around me. And then it hit me.

I wonder how much I missed that day. If I wasn't so self-consumed, how much more glory would I have experienced surrounding me?

I do the same thing to God every day.

Every day.

Every day.

I long to be caught up in something bigger than myself. I want to be captured by it. In Revelation, the elders are so caught up in worship, they fall facedown. They get it. They get the big picture. This is an expression similar to what Jesus meant when He said that we should take up our crosses and follow Him, dying to ourselves.

I want to be so caught up in Jesus' glory and beauty, that I forget myself, even if but a moment. The story of God is bigger than life, and I find that hard to believe most of the time. It's bigger than any concert, any sunset, any person, any piece of art, any movie, any book, any philosophy, any scenic view, or anything that raptures us from ourselves.

And I still miss it every day.

I'm growing tired of my reflection, but not tired enough.