I Died for My--

“I died for beauty”, she said.[1]

I didn’t know how to respond, uncomfortably staring at my feet, hoping she would soon change the subject. We were six feet below though, so I couldn’t escape her questioning glance, as moss slowly covered her lips.

“And you?”

“For my…beliefs.” I was not confident, my voice bearing witness. The statement was empty and I knew it; something seemed superficial. Could there have possibly been more? “Belief in—

“I for truth,” I heard a man reply.

“What is truth?” I asked, inquiring his doctri—

“Did you not die for truth?”

Truth.

It was then I realized the fatal error to which I had fallen prey. I died for belief, not truth. Therein lay the disconnect I had felt deep in my bones before the conversation began. I had not lived for truth, and thus could never have died for it.

“I died… I believed… I believe…

…in myself.”

I wept.


[1] Emily Dickinson, “I Died for Beauty”

Confessions of a Narcissist

No one loves Joel Piedt more than Joel Piedt.

I'm convinced of this statement's truth. I was thinking of Narcissus's story a few days ago, the Greek myth about the beautiful man who fell in love with his own reflection, and ended up dying next to a pond staring at himself. It's a depressing/disturbing story for a number of reasons on a number of levels, but I'd rather not state the obvious.

What saddens me is that the story of Narcissus just so happens to be the story of Joel Piedt, minus the part about the guy being beautiful. I was on a road trip this summer, hiking in places like Zion National Park and the Grand Canyon. There was one time that I was hiking up a beautiful cliff called Angel's Landing, and I found myself lost in wonder.

In myself.

This is no lie. I was so wrapped up in a position I had just received, all I could think of was, "I wonder what people will think of me!" I thought about this for hours as I hiked, oblivious to the glory around me. And then it hit me.

I wonder how much I missed that day. If I wasn't so self-consumed, how much more glory would I have experienced surrounding me?

I do the same thing to God every day.

Every day.

Every day.

I long to be caught up in something bigger than myself. I want to be captured by it. In Revelation, the elders are so caught up in worship, they fall facedown. They get it. They get the big picture. This is an expression similar to what Jesus meant when He said that we should take up our crosses and follow Him, dying to ourselves.

I want to be so caught up in Jesus' glory and beauty, that I forget myself, even if but a moment. The story of God is bigger than life, and I find that hard to believe most of the time. It's bigger than any concert, any sunset, any person, any piece of art, any movie, any book, any philosophy, any scenic view, or anything that raptures us from ourselves.

And I still miss it every day.

I'm growing tired of my reflection, but not tired enough.

God is so _ _ _ _?

Why is there so much suffering in this world? So much pain?

God is great, God, is good...

If He is great and powerful enough to do something about our problems, why doesn't He? We have a few options here: Perhaps God is sovereign over the world, but is not a good God. Or maybe He is good and wants our best, but is not capable of changing the course of events the earth experiences. Either of these options seem like they could solve the issue at hand; there is absolutely no way that God is both great and good. Because in the Bible I read of a sovereign God; and in the world I see sorrow and sin and death and grief. I don't know how these two facts could possibly work hand in hand. Unless...

Throughout the Bible, God is constantly comforting His people. In the Old Testament, the Israelites go into exile. They are literally torn from their homes, families, trades, and most importantly, their temple. This might not sound too significant. But we must understand how the Israelites thought. They believed they could only worship God in His temple, where He dwelled. So when they were in a foreign land, they believed they could not worship Him. And God comforts them: "I am with you. I am Immanuel. I know the plans I have for you I am sovereign. I am the LORD over all the nations." This must have been refreshing to hear as the people of God. They could worship Him anywhere, in any context.

But it must have been frustrating.

You mean you are in control God? And I'm still in exile? I'm still in chains? Are you really good? I have a teacher at school who says this will be the question we continually stumble upon as we live out our Christian lives: Is God really a good God?

Jesus comforts His believers in the New Testament much like God does in the Old: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat and drink; or about your body, what you will wear" (Matthew 6:25). Jesus goes on to say that because God feeds the birds of the air, we can be sure that he will take care of us.

So there we have it. The world will be fed, clothed and cared for by a sovereign and loving God. No one will ever go without.

I wish I could say this was true. But it's simply not. I recently read that 16,000 children around the world die every day due to hunger related causes. That's one child every five seconds. In the time it took you to read this paragraph, a child has died.

Do you feel the tension? How does God feel about all the pain? What does He think of the suffering?

"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi , Eloi, lama sabachthani?'-- which means 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'"

That's what God thinks. Ultimately, the sovereignty of God and the suffering in the world must be understood in the context of a suffering Savior on a cross. God cares, because He has suffered in every we have through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 2:18). Through Him, death loses it's sting, and through Him we find hope in the unseen (2 Cor. 4; Romans 8). He meant what He said in Matthew 6, but it must be understood in the light of the cross, and in light of history as a whole.

2 Corinthians 2:14 says that we are lead in triumphal procession in Christ. This happens because of the work of Christ--but only in part now. One day, we will be seated with Jesus in the heavenlies. Christians are dying now, but death has lost its sting because of the cross. We have a hope in future glory. This future glory is the real triumphal procession.

If you haven't already, you will one day ask yourself if God is good. Look at the cross.

God is great.

God is good.