Have you ever wondered why we try so hard to impress other people? It really is amazing when you think about it. I have spent a good portion of the last 19 years trying to get people to like me, think I'm cool, approve of me. I guess I believe this will finally tell me who I really am, as if people's opinions create my identity. And though I've heard a million times that I am to find my value and worth in the fact that Jesus loves me, it seems as though nothing has changed. It's like I thrive off of praise from others, and this tells me who I am. In the words of Donald Miller, we use others to redeem us to the world.
I have thought a lot about this lately. And these thoughts sort of came to a climax last week, mostly because I decided to teach on this topic at Sunday School, but also because this desire for approval is at an all-time high for me. You would think this wouldn't be the case, because I just left High School last year, graduating to become a real person apart from that kind of drama; but my love of self has really kicked in lately, and I'm not quite sure what caused it. I hate it though. I think this part of being a human really sucks.
I took a class on the principles of sociology in the spring, which I found very interesting. One of the things we studied was Symbolic Interactionism, which pretty much says that us humans send out symbols to people, and how they are responded to is how we perceive ourselves. I think that this is true. When I first heard this concept, something in my heart said "this is true," because I do it all the time. For example, I tell a joke to somebody, and depending on how they respond is how I will then view myself. If they laugh, I will think of myself as a funny person; and if they don't, then I'm not funny. "I am what I think you think I am." This happened to me a few months ago. I got a band together to play a show on the chapel lawn of my college, and I'm pretty sure (from comments made) that we absolutely sucked. And since then I have been telling myself that I'm no good, I'm a lousy musician, that no one wants to hear my stupid songs except my dad who is going deaf, and that sort of thing. I think that this is very sad, and I'm pretty sure that it is a result of the fall.
Before the fall, God told Adam and Eve who they were: they were beautiful beings created in God's image, and they found their worth in this. After the fall, God was no longer there to tell them this, so they tried to get that same value from others. The problem is, others can't tell us who we are; only God can. So when Jesus came back, he was re-establishing that broken relationship, thus inviting us to find our value in God's love once again. He says in John 15:9, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you." I think this is one of the most profound verses in the Bible.
I was preparing this lesson for the Junior High and High School youth group, when I get a text message from one of my fellow interns saying he wouldn't be there the next day. My immediate thought was: He won't be there to hear this great lesson! There goes one compliment. My second thought was: Joel, you're an idiot. Prone to wander.
So I wonder what it looks like to really believe that Jesus loves me, and not care what others think. I think it would be quite life changing, really. It would be beautiful. To live life for the approval of one: God. So what if people do or don't find me attractive? I'm made in the image of God. So what if people think I'm no good at writing music? God gave me these vocal chords, and I'm making a joyful noise for him. How different would life be if I defined myself in the love of God? I would finally be free to live.
